


Unruly

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, bad impressions and worse jokes, humanstuck i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nepeta makes a scene while out shopping with Equius</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unruly

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and your girlfriend is a hyperactive child.

Okay, not literally. That would be kind of gross, not to mention illegal. It’s more accurate to say she acts like a hyperactive child. You brought her out shopping, but you have to keep shushing her and dragging her away when she starts getting too…well, weird.

For example, at the moment she’s browsing through sunglasses. That doesn’t sound so bad, except she only found them half a minute ago and she’s tried on half the rack. She keeps giggling too, causing stares from anyone passing.

You resolve to give her another half minute before you take her away to a different section of the store. Any other section. You bet she could come up with ways to cause trouble there too, but at least it might take her a little more time.

Just as you think that, she comes up with another idea. Predictably, it’s a bad idea. She manages to find a pair with red lenses. As soon as Nepeta tries them on, she turns to you and cackles in a way she never has before. “Equius, you smell so red today!” She throws an arm around you and pulls you in and before you quite register what’s going on she _licks your face actually licks it oh my god that’s so gross no_. “You taste red too. Also sweaty. You really should get that taken care of.”

Is that her impression of Terezi? By the end of it she sounded more like herself than Terezi, but…yeah, you see her pick out a pair of blue glasses and you determine that she’s doing impressions now. She takes off the red glasses, only to hold one red lens in front of one eye and one blue lens in front of the other. Nepeta turns back to you then, slouching and frowning slightly. “I’m the resident computer geek,” she says, in a slightly nasally voice. Her imitation of Sollux’s lisp is pretty exaggerated and actually quite cruel. You feel bad for thinking its kind of funny. “EQ, do you have a computer for me to fix? I need an excuse to never go outside again.”

You roll your eyes at her and refuse to show any sign of amusement. She gets bored of doing Sollux and starts looking for something else. You’re a bit curious, so you decide to let her continue despite yourself. Surely she’ll tire of this soon anyway, you think.

Nepeta finds what she’s looking for easily enough. At first you’re confused when she holds one lens in front of one eye again. Then she tosses her head as if to flip the hair she doesn’t have, and you immediately know what’s coming. “Thanks for fixing my weird robot arm, Equius. I’m soooooooo _lucky_ to have you as a friend.”

Okay, that one actually makes you snort. Her Vriska voice is just as bad as her Terezi voice, but somehow that makes it better. Nepeta starts to grin. “Alright, your turn!”

“No.” Your smile drops, and so does hers. “I refuse to participate in your childish games. Actually, we should be going.” Don’t admit you were amused don’t admit you were amused don’t admit you were amused.

She whines at you. “Come on, it’s fun!” You simply stare at her in response. You think she covered the basics and really, you know if you do it she’s going to make fun of how bad your impressions are despite how bad hers are.

Nepeta isn’t discouraged though. She puts on the glasses in her hand and says, “Here, watch.” She takes a deep breath and a moment to think. Then, in an exaggerated Southern accent: “YOOOOOOO, SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP SUP….”

She moves her hand up and down next to her face, and it takes you a minute to figure out she’s trying to imitate a rapper. She doesn’t stop when you think she does, either. Does this girl need breath? And perhaps more importantly, is this really how she thinks of Dave? It has to be Dave, after all, the glasses tell you that much.

You’d be perfectly happy to let her wear herself out if you weren’t attracting so many stares. You have to do something, you decide. Only when you reach out and pluck the glasses off her face does she shut up for a few seconds. Before she can pick up another pair or run away or something, you pick her up and throw her over your shoulder. Nepeta squeals, and you notice that you’re getting even more stares now, but after that scene you think you should really just leave the store.

“Where are we going?” she whines. To your surprise, she doesn’t struggle. It’s probably because she’s so high off the ground now that you could actually hurt her if you drop her. You could easily hurt her even if you didn’t drop her, though you wouldn’t do that on purpose. At any rate, you don’t answer. You could take her home, but you still have to go pick up groceries so really there’s no point. You’ll have to make her promise to behave. Even then, she wouldn’t keep it.

Nepeta tires of your silence and lets out a long groan. “Stop being a big butt munch and put me down!” To emphasize her words, she slaps you in the easiest place she can reach – your ass. You’re not sure if she did that on purpose or not.

“You’re causing a scene,” you say as you reach the entrance.

“ _You’re_ causing a scene.”

(She has a point, but she only said it to be petulant.) “You need to stop acting like a kid in public.”

You can practically feel her roll her eyes. “You love me though. Can’t stop, won’t stop.”

You fall silent again. You could probably pass it off as not wanting to dignify her with a response, but she can tell she’s won. Especially when you finally get outside and you decide to put her down, she smirks as soon as she sees that you’re not actually mad.

“Hey, hey, hey, wanna see my other Strider impression?” She asks, bouncing up and down a little. Somehow she seems even more energetic. You start to think maybe she was actually holding back when she was inside earlier.

You turn away and start walking to your car. “No.”

She runs in front of you and turns to face you, walking backwards. You lift your chin and act like you don’t see her. Nepeta proceeds with her impression anyway. She clears her throat and spreads her arms, pushing her chest forward. In the same accent she used for the Dave impression, she screams, “PUPPETS,” and crosses her arms over her chest.

You were fully prepared to ignore her until you saw her expression – or lack thereof, you guess. You finally can’t help but smile, and that turns into a laugh. “Nepeta, that was the worst impression of Dirk I’ve ever seen,” you say. It’s the only impression of Dirk you’ve ever seen, but you can’t imagine much worse.

Nepeta grins and then grabs your hand, leading you back to the car. “I’m glad you enjoyed it!” And then she’s considerably quieter. You’re willing to bet that reaction was her goal. Well, maybe she’s right when she says you love it when she’s unruly.


End file.
